Soulless Food

Awesome recipes written with AI

Vegan Beefsteak

The year my parents decided to get rid of their TV, they decided to go on vacation. I don’t think they realized how much they’d miss their weekly dose of House Hunters International and American Pickers. My dad does not watch TV – he’s never had cable and only occasionally watches movies – but he loves House Hunters. And he has always loved real estate. And when they decided to go on a cross country RV trip – well, my mom called me and asked if I could watch their house and make sure the cats were fed while they were gone.

Long story short, I didn’t have cable, the house was small, and it was easy for the cats to get into trouble. I walked in on a mini drama one day and it turned out that one of the cats had gotten into a bag of almonds, and the other had been a little more interested in breakfast than the others, trying to catch the one eating the almonds. Eventually the almond cat was able to finish her breakfast in peace, but the cat who had been eating the almonds was looking a little more pudgey than usual.

I’d never owned a fat cat before, and I didn’t really want to encourage it, so I started sneaking little bits of cat food to her and trying to keep a closer eye on her. In hindsight I think it was probably a bad decision, but I was intent on not having a fat cat, and I thought I was helping her.

Anyway, I found myself trying to figure out what I could feed her to make her thin. I’d never really done much to control her diet before, and she’d always been a little on the chubby side. I didn’t want to cut her out of my life, but I also didn’t want her to be a fat cat – not that she was overweight or anything, she was just a little lumpier than normal…like maybe she’d put on a couple pounds.

So I started feeding her cat food that was as low in calories as possible, but the result was, well…vegan beefsteak. She didn’t like it, and it wasn’t satisfying her, so she got even worse. She started begging for food out of her bowl, and then stealing food when I wasn’t looking. I really didn’t want a cat that was constantly begging for food, so


  • 1 large tomato

  • 1/4 cup vegan mayonnaise

  • 1/4 cup chopped red onion

  • 1/4 cup chopped green bell pepper

  • 2 tablespoons chopped fresh parsley

  • 1 teaspoon chopped fresh thyme

  • 1/4 teaspoon salt

  • 1/4 teaspoon black pepper

  • 1/4 teaspoon garlic powder

  • 1/4 teaspoon onion powder

  • 1/4 teaspoon paprika

  • 1/4 teaspoon chili powder

  • 1/4 teaspoon cumin

  • 1/8 teaspoon cayenne pepper

  • 1/8 teaspoon sugar


  1. Cut the tomato into 1/2-inch slices.

  2. In a medium bowl, combine the mayonnaise, onion, bell pepper, parsley, thyme, salt, black pepper, garlic powder, onion powder, paprika, chili powder, cumin, cayenne pepper, and sugar. Mix until well blended.

  3. Spread the mixture on the tomato slices, and serve.